Local Beauty Pageants

Every little lady dreams of being a princess. Beauty pageants make it doable for them to achieve that dream. Suburban little ladies dream of somehow changing into soveriegn over places like York and Kent by putting their piano or ballet lessons to use within the talent portion of a beauty pageant. For White Trash ladies, this isn’t an option.

Why?
Because 1) there are not any dance studios in cities with populations of 2,000, and 2) the only piano teacher in city is the little previous girl who plays organ at the Baptist Church, and she or he doesn’t support any activity where young ladies wear shirts with collars that dip below the clavicle.

Instead, White Trash ladies dream of changing into a River Princess, or Miss Strawberry pageant, or Miss 4-H. Any occasion that involves fireworks, a harvest, the showing of livestock, or a giant jar of jelly beans waiting to be counted is an excuse for White Trash cities to crown a brand new queen. White Trash folks perceive that nothing enhances the public auction of a lamb for slaughter more than a fairly lady with most her teeth and a rhinestone tiara.